#2 Pinocchio

#2 Pinocchio

Go to school. Or else!

So, Disney has a hit with Snow White, their first feature length animated film. Now, they gotta do it again! They decide to adapt an Italian novel about a live puppet – good ol Pinocchio! The move was actually the first animated feature film to win a competitive Academy Award! It won for Best Original Score and Best Original Song (“When You Wish Upon A Star”).

Like Snow White, I definitely watched Pinocchio as a kid, but it’s been many years since I last sat and watched it, possibly decades. To be honest, I remember less about this plot than that of SW; I know his nose grows when he lies, there are some evil cat people, he gets trapped in a whale, and he desperately wants to be a real boy. Oh, and, of course, he’s followed around by Jiminy Cricket!

My thoughts during Pinocchio:

  • When You Wish Upon A Star is such a beautiful song and a true Disney classic 80 years later
  • Jiminy Cricket, the moral compass of this tale, starts out the movie by breaking into Gepetto’s home – what is it with early Disney character’s breaking into houses?
  • Making his pets say goodnight to each other? Gepetto is the Most adorable
  • Poor Figaro just wants to sleep
  • People not listening to their conscience is “what’s wrong with the world” in 1940 and OOF Jim if you could see today…
  • Gepetto is sending Pinocchio off to school, so is it gonna be chill to have a puppet in class? Will the other children be scared? Will Gepetto be accused of like witchcraft? Would love to know the dynamics of this Italian village
  • Furthering along that thought – this village seems so normal, but yet there are these cat people walking about?
  • There doesn’t seem to be any other walking, talking animals here nor for the rest of the film so what are they? And what’s the difference between them and Figaro?
  • Remember when “I Got No Strings” was used in the trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron? How random
  • What a freaking after school special this movie is. The lesson is really just go to school. I LOVE school and it’s too much for me. This movie just doesn’t seem fun for kids
  • Poor Gepetto, wandering the streets to find his puppet son. I’m mad Pinocchio made this poor sweet man sad
  • 48 minutes in – more than halfway through this movie – and I JUST remembered that Pinocchio’s nose grows when he lies…that a MAJOR part of what he’s known for and he’s just doing it now
  • “I’m collecting stupid little boys who like to play hookey from school” THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS MOVIE IS TO GO TO SCHOOL
  • Also, why does he want to turn boys into donkeys of all creatures? How does that help him?
  • Okay, Pinocchio is literally being picked up and carried away this is not skipping school this is being kidnapped
  • Where is the police?
  • Has Gepetto put out a ye olde Amber Alert? Is there an active search for Pinocchio going on? He can’t be that hard to find, right? Or are there multiple live puppets roaming about? There are cat people so…
  • Now we’re at Pleasure Island which is just chaotic but the model home built purely for destruction did get a laugh out of me
  • They’re going to remake Pinocchio as a live-action film and this sequence is just going to be a bunch of kids with juuls
  • Is this tobacco or pot why is he all green?

Pleasure Island AKA The OG Fyre Fest

  • Okay, so he sells the donkeys to circus’ and mines, so he makes money off the boys
  • This whole donkey sequence is gruesome and sad how was I not traumatized by this?
  • Maybe I was…I always hated missing school. My MOM had to beg me to play hookey every couple of years…perhaps I was subconsciously haunted by this movie
  • But HOW does he get them to turn into donkeys? Even if it’s magic, it’d be cool to say that, get some explanation
  • If it’s in the tobacco and alcohol, shouldn’t it NOT affect Pinocchio since he’s wood…
  • They’ve been gone 2 days and Gepetto just ups and leaves his whole house?
  • A dove flew down with a note – WHERE did it come from?
  • HOW did Gepetto get swallowed by a WHALE?
  • WHY did he bring the fish and cat with him?
  • HOW DID HE WRITE A LETTER FROM INSIDE THE WHALE?
  • HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE
  • I know this is a fantasy kids movie, but there really is no explanation of how – even magically – Gepetto is living in a whale, and everything is just mentioned so casually
  • Yup, people get eaten by and subsequently squat in whales all the time!
  • Now we have The Little Mermaid: Pinocchio edition as he swims in search of his family
  • This movie is only an hour and a half long but its so much filler
  • “He was such a good boy” He was not.
  • Gepetto is just…chill living in this whale for the rest of his life? Dude doesn’t want to leave
  • Methinks the whale should notice the fire in his mouth before he gets sneezy but okay
  • I can’t even blame the whale like you started a fire in his mouth, ofc he’s angry
  • There is now a whale chase happening and it’s just…boring, how is a whale chase boring?
  • Pinocchio is “dead” and this movie continues to be gratuitously dark even though we know it won’t stay like that
  • Like he’s face down in the water if you’re a kid who doesn’t know how movies work, that’s horrific!
  • Aww Pinocchio is a real boy! I’d be happier if we could be assured authorities were trying to bring an end to the cat people kidnappings, but alas!

Okay, so I thought I was going to like Pinocchio, but I very much did not! I don’t remember disliking it as a kid but maybe I was too bored to follow along. It was also pretty dark. And typing out Pinocchio throughout this post was rough, I wish there was a way to shorten his name (Jiminy says Pinochs but that reads funny to me). Surprising lack of nose growing, it’s so embedded in the tale but it was really just that one scene. It’s the first film of 1940 so here’s hoping the rest of the decade is up from here!
[Author’s Note: Spoiler Alert: It’s really not!]

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